Think my boyfriend took my passwords

[Rocket]

Why don't you do yourself a favor and just get rid of him - right now.

Because he will be angry and maybe get revenge. I haven't been able to secure a couple of accounts. Since he thinks I’m paying his student loans off when I get back to USA he’ll be much less likely to try to use them.

[Gaybutton]

If nothing else, I hope those reading this topic who have been considering having that boy of their dreams move in, now realize how easily one can fall into the trap and have a very difficult time trying to get out of it.

Folks, bear in mind the most likely reason a boy around 1/3 your age would want to move in with you. Over the years I've seen many farang have an experience similar to Rocket's. At first it's great. Everything you had hoped for seems to be happening. Then later on you start to realize you've made a terrible mistake and now getting out of it becomes extremely difficult.

I shudder to think about the kinds of stories we're going to hear now that Thailand is highly likely to recognize gay marriage.

The most common mistake I hear about is farang rushing into this kind of arrangement far too quickly, long before getting to know the boy very well, well enough to be certain about what you're getting yourself into. Too many come to Thailand and think with their crotch instead of their brain. This sort of thing is most likely to happen if the boy of your dreams is a bar boy or some other kind of money boy.

Am I really saying anything anyone reading this doesn't already know? Even so, too many farang still fall right into the trap. One of my favorite things farang often say is "Not this boy. He's different." When I hear that, I know I'm talking to someone who already is doomed.

I know I very recently posted my favorite Richard Burk quote, but I'm going to post it again. His advice is the safest thing to do.

"If you want love in Thailand, rent it."

I think Rocket, for one, now understands all too well why Richard said that.

[2lz2p]

The most common mistake I hear about is farang rushing into this kind of arrangement far too quickly, long before getting to know the boy very well, well enough to be certain about what you're getting yourself into.

I agree,, but the key word IMO is "rushing." I met my Thai partner over 30 years ago while on holiday (it was my 5th or 6th annual visit). Although a waiter, not a bar boy, it was in a Boyztown gay hotel coffee shop where he worked. For the next 10 years we had a long distance relationship. I started coming twice a year instead of once. He continued to work in Pattaya for about 3 years, but then moved back to his home town in the northeast of Thailand near Korat. It was at that time I started actually sending him money to live on. So twice a year we were together, staying in his hometown on one visit and coming to Pattaya to holiday on the other.

When I retired, I decided to come here and for us to live together (here in Pattaya) for 6 months and see if we were still compatible with living together full time instead of a couple weeks twice a year. So no "rushing" into our relationship - it developed over time and I was fortunate to continue to live with him for the next 20+ years.

Although, due to age difference, my being 26 years older, I expected he would outlive me. That didn't happen and it has now been a little over 2 years since he took ill and passed away. I do miss him and am happy to have had the time we had together.

Although my experience was very good, that often can be the exception instead of the rule. But I am not the only one. Three of my good friends here (two from Canada and the other Australia) also have had similar relationships lasting many years. Two are still ongoing, but in the third case, my Canadian friend passed away. I still keep in touch with his Thai partner who has relocated back to the northeast. I will note, that for my 3 friends, none of their partners were bar boys.

[Dodger]

....... I will note, that for my 3 friends, none of their partners were bar boys.

I really liked what you had to say and definitely relate.

Like anything else, trust is something that has to develop over time...and even more so when you consider the age and cultural differences at play here. My attempts at relationship-building with bar boys always had the same ending...not sweet. It wasn't until I partnered with a non-working boy that I experienced what it was like to have a normal relationship based on mutual respect and trust. To your point, It doesn't happen over night.

I know a dozen or so farang who've been in successful LTR's for many years now - but all are with non-working boys.
I've seen hundreds of attempts to build LTR's that ended up in disaster - but all were with working boys.

Rocket - this was for you.

[Gaybutton]

I know a dozen or so farang who've been in successful LTR's for many years now - but all are with non-working boys.
I've seen hundreds of attempts to build LTR's that ended up in disaster - but all were with working boys.

And that is precisely the point I was trying to make in a previous post. The relationships most likely to fail, and most often do, are the relationships established with bar boys. There have, or course, been exceptions, but those are rare.

My advice is if there is a bar boy you really like, have a good time with him, give him his tip each time you meet, and if you are in Thailand on a holiday, give him a generous goodbye tip when it's time to return home. Don't do anything more than that. Definitely mke no promises to him about money. Don't give him your telephone number. Don't give him your Email address or if you do, give him a phony one. But don't leave him a way to contact you. You'll find him again when you return next trip. And if you don't find him, chances are excellent that you'll meet another boy you like even more.

The point is making sure you are not setting yourself up for disaster.

Miller: "You don't trust anyone, do you?"
Stavros: "That is why I have lived so long."
David Niven (Miller), Anthony Quinn (Stavros), 'The Guns of Navarone'

[Jun]

My advice is if there is a bar boy you really like, have a good time with him, give him his tip each time you meet, and if you are in Thailand on a holiday, give him a generous goodbye tip when it's time to return home. Don't do anything more than that. Definitely mke no promises to him about money. Don't give him your telephone number. Don't give him your Email address or if you do, give him a phony one. But don't leave him a way to contact you.

Giving them my Line ID works. I can contact them and they can contact me, including after I return home. This is hardly ever a problem and if it becomes a problem, Line allows me to turn off notifications for any individual, or to block them. Turning off notifications and letting the messages pile up usually works.

Amdittedly I'm still a butterfly and there's zero pretence about looking for a relationship. Even when I met a lad that was almost perfect at certain things, I still only saw him 5 times in the last month.

Since the advice is not to look for a relationship with a "bar boy", where are you meeting your LTR boys?

Even if that password list turns up down the back of the drawer, this has been an interesting thread.

[Rocket]

Maybe I’ll die a lonely old man, but the last thing I want is to wake up with the same man next to me for years on end.
I’m thrilled for anyone who has a long term boyfriend of many years. That’s just not for me now, maybe in the future. It also makes the gay community look good when people see long term commitments and marriages. I’m all for them.
Thailand has spoiled me as having nonstop sex with whoever I want( as long as a money boy), it really is paradise for gay men.
I’m already excited and anticipating next year when I return to seeing all the hot fem boy twinks that will be walking into bars at jomtien complex. Maybe some of the same and also new ones fresh onto the scene.
The other benefit of butterflying is it keeps me in shape and I eat healthier because I want to preserve my looks as long as possible. I’ve seen many a couple let themselves go because they don’t really need to look good, they have someone already.

When I look at many straight couples I wonder how they can be turned on by their partner. Even many gay couples.

I do get lonely half the year in the USA, so that’s why I prefer overnight long term guys. I enjoy short times. But sometimes I feel a bit empty afterwards. Like going to Nice Boys, it’s a blast but when it’s over it’s a bit depressing.

So that’s a reason I took this one in, he’s hot and we have great sexual chemistry. If he hadn’t taken my passwords I might have hooked up again on my next visit. I made sure I told him I’m not wanting to commit with anyone now and I might hook up with my previous boyfriend.
But not to confuse anyone, my previous “boyfriend “ of 7 years worked at Nice Boys when I met him. And it was a boyfriend experience but I always kept the relationship as a rental, pay as we go. He knew I had sex with other boys but put up with it as he had no choice. No way am I flying half way around the world to be controlled or manipulated by one man. Or trapped in a commited relationship.
I do pay more than most as I have some fetish that most of them aren’t crazy about.

[Gaybutton]

NOW you're talking sense . . .

[Dodger]

The other benefit of butterflying is it keeps me in shape and I eat healthier because I want to preserve my looks as long as possible. I’ve seen many a couple let themselves go because they don’t really need to look good, they have someone already.

Butterflying is great so don't get me wrong, but as far as being motivated to stay in shape I think that applies to those in LTR's as well...sometimes even more.

I remember what it was like looking at HIM the first time that white towel hit the ground thinking about how absolutely perfect his slim and toned body was as compared to mine. I guess it was understandable considering I was over twice his age but it bothered me none-the-less.

During the earlier butterfly chapters in my life I really didn't care enough to do anything about it for the mere fact that I was paying for the service and had no concerns whatsoever regarding a working boy not wanting to be with me because of a few extra pounds around the waistline.

Once embarked on a LTR with a non-working boy I started caring a lot more about my physical appearance as evidenced by the major changes made to my lifestyle. As a result, and at the risk of sounding like I'm boasting which is certainly not my intention - I have lost almost all of my body fat...have better toned muscles...slimmer waistline...better posture...and perform much better physically as well which can all be credited to the motivation gained by wanting to improve and maintain my appearance for HIM.

Ironically, most of the expats I know that are in LTR's have similar lifestyles where physical fitness/daily exercise, and healthy diet and healthy living habits seem to have taken center stage. Not to say that many farang in LTR's don't have some butterfly left in them - because many do, but handle these situations with discretion which is also a healthy habit if you get my drift.

[Montree]

Twenty five years ago, when mobile phones were just phones, I travelled with a small notebook with phone numbers I might need written down. On the first occasion I stayed with my Thai boyfriend in Bangkok I noticed that some of the numbers I’d written down appeared a bit odd. On closer inspection I could see that someone had tried to disguise the obviously local Thai numbers by changing some of the numerals. For example a seven had been altered into a rather jagged looking eight. My boyfriend had clearly altered numbers that he thought might be rivals for my affections among the local Go Go Boys that he knew I enjoyed seeing. His efforts were not very successful and before I confronted him his conscience got the better of him and he admitted what he had done but not before he’d called several of the numbers and warned them off!

We are still together but he hates Pattaya and it is only in recent years that he has joined me when I visit and he only stays for a few days and he won’t go near any of the Gay areas. He prefers not to know what I get up to when he’s not around.