Boys Requesting Money

[Gaybutton]

Being regularly asked to send more money as a donation is more problematic.

Which is why I consistently recommend not sending any money in the first place and don't give some bar boy your contact information. He'll very likely still be there on the next trip - and if he isn't, he probably returned to the rice farm.

While I realize some farang such as Dodger really have managed to be fortunate enough to meet the true love of their life, who does not constantly plea for money, I think most of us are well aware that is the exception, not the norm.

All too often the farang thinks he's met the boy he will love forever and the boy feels the same way. That's what the boy wants the farang to think - and wants the other farang he's managed to snare to think the same thing. Anyone besides me been around long enough to remember Allen Briggs, screen name Gay Pattayan, owner of the now long gone Pattaya Gay board? Anyone remember what his trusted boyfriend did to him when he fell ill and became incapacitated? If Travelerjim1 is reading this, I guarantee he'll corroborate. And I still sometimes see that same boy advertising himself on the apps.

I have seen times when the boy was truly sincere and not looking to take advantage of the farang - maybe he wasn't, but mama was. Sometimes the mamas who know the boy hooks up with farang puts the boy under tremendous pressure to send money to her - and the only way for him to get it is to do whatever it takes to get the farang to keep giving him money. And no matter how much he sends to mama, it's not enough.

Do you think I'm being cynical and wrong? Try living here as long as I have and then tell me all about how wrong I am. One of my favorite lines I sometimes hear from a farang who thinks he's found his true Mr. Right during his 2 week holiday in Thailand is "Not this boy. He's different." That's when I know the farang is doomed.

When in Thailand, enjoy your holiday. Enjoy your time with the boys. But keep in mind, when it's over, it's over.

Once again, the safest way to avoid falling into the trap - as Richard Burk said, "If you want love in Thailand, rent it."

[Jun]

Which is why I consistently recommend not sending any money in the first place and don't give some bar boy your contact information.

Not sending money in the first place is very good advice.

As for contact information, swapping that is essential. Several of my favourite boys don't even work at bars.

I use Line, because I can switch off incoming phone calls, so they have to text me.
I can also switch off notifications on a per person basis, so I have to open the app to check who has messaged me. I've switched quite a few off now & just need to remember to switch them back on when returning to Thailand.
There is also a block option, but I've not had to use that with boys I know.

[Dodger]

While I realize some farang such as Dodger really have managed to be fortunate enough to meet the true love of their life, who does not constantly plea for money, I think most of us are well aware that is the exception, not the norm.

The reason you see this as "the exception" is understandable for the mere fact that the vast majority of farang punters you see around the sex-scenes in Pattaya are not interested in anything more than just sex and/or casual friendships...just like me for a long time. Let's face it, Pattaya is nothing more than an exchange between sex tourists and Thai prostitutes for mutual gratification - not the best place to hone a meaningful relationship. Been there- done that!

Having said that, the farang I know (or know about) who are enjoying long-term relationships with their Thai counterparts, are doing so with partners who had never worked the bar scene or sold sex dates on the apps. It's not "successful relationships" that are the exception - it's successful relationships that were spawned in the bars (or the apps) - where the Thais are trained to give blow jobs to walking ATM's that are the exception.

Also, in just about every farang/Thai long-term relationship that I know about the Thai works and helps contribute to the normal living expenses. But again, these are not bar boys or bar girls that I'm talking about, these are just Thais who want security, companionship, sex, romance, etc., just like every other normal person out there.

As a side note: If you're as old as Moses (not you Moses, the holy one) and can't walk without a cane and a 20 year old dream boy wants to live with you, regardless if he works in the bars or not I'd seriously question his motives...

I mean, let's keep it realistic.

[Gaybutton]

I mean, let's keep it realistic.

Ok, the reality is most of these farang-Thai, generation gap relationships end in failure, whether with a bar boy or not. That's not to say some do work, such as your own, but I wouldn't recommend going to Thailand with the expectation that will happen. Do you really think the way it worked out for you is the way it's going to work out for most people?

What is not realistic is a holiday maker in Thailand for 1 or 2 weeks who thinks he has found the love of his life - unless it's a very short life.

"My doctor gave me 6 months. I said I can't pay this bill. So he gave me 6 more months."
- Henny Youngman

[Dodger]

......Do you really think the way it worked out for you is the way it's going to work out for most people?

To be honest, I never give too much thought about what's going to work or not work for others, but at the same time I believe that anything's possible if a person wants something bad enough and is willing to put in the effort.

There's not a doubt in my mind that a farang can find a great partner in Thailand if that's what he truly wants. But, as I've said before, chances of finding a boyfriend where a meaningful relationship would be possible on the bar scene would be slim to none, thus the reason I've always recommended that tourists stick to having fun on the playground while here on holiday...similar to your recommendations.

Jai and I had lunch last week with one of his old school friends from Buriram who works as a hotel supervisor in Naklua. He's been with the same farang boyfriend from Switzerland for about 15 years now and they're planning to marry soon. There's a 40 year age gap between them but the farang is young-thinking...very attuned to Thai culture... with a positive outgoing personality and they are very compatible none-the-less.

Our old friend Smiles topped the charts with his relationship with his partner Suphot exceeding 20 years. They also met when Suphot was working as a desk clerk at a hotel, and I believe they have a similar age gap. I've lost track of Smiles and Suphot, but for the longest time Suphot worked at a beach concession and also drove a taxi part-time after he and Smiles settled down in Hua Hin.

My old friend Freddy G. from Germany, who many knew from the Sunee scene. retired 7 years ago and has been with the same Thai partner for about 14 years. They also hooked up on Gay Romeo and now reside in Kalisin. Fred's boyfriend sells cars at a local car dealer to help supplement their income.

I can name many more couples that I know personally with similar backgrounds and relationships. Not one of these couples involves a past working boy, and the age gaps are almost all between 30 and 40 years. These farang, like me, either found their partners on a dating site or while traveling around rural Thailand away from the bar scenes.

The one thing that me and the rest of these farang have in common is that we all wanted to have a partner and were willing to trade in our butterfly wings to have one. Getting a real grip on Thai culture is obviously another big plus.

I wish I could say I was an exception - but I'm certainly not.

[Jun]

Getting back to the topic:
In my instance, it's all about money boys requesting further unearned money. They're short time money boys too.

Short time is often my choice. I've refused overnight stays, when I know the boy stays up to about 5:00 am, because I like to go to bed between 24:00 and 1:00 am. To make that work, at least one of us has to adjust behaviour. So far, it's not going to be me.
This is one negative side effect of bars staying open until 2:00 am or later.

Talk of boyfriends a different matter.
Totally different, if the younger partner does not get any subsidy from the elder partner.
Slightly different if the relationship would fall apart without a significant subsidy.

I've opened another topic for that. An interesting topic, but the two matters are like chalk & cheese. I think .

[christianpfc]

I have seen times when the boy was truly sincere and not looking to take advantage of the farang - maybe he wasn't, but mama was.

There is a saying in straight circles: you don't marry the girl, you marry her family.

That reminds of my early years when I was innocent. I was in a taxi with A (my boy-du-jour) and B (a friend of A). At that time I didn't speak Thai, but I guess B reminded A of a debt and advised him to ask me for money. A asked me for 300 Baht, and at that time I thought that's a legitimate request, like asking someone for the time or fire (when you are a smoker), and gave him the money. Later I learnt that A had gambling debts with B, now settled with my money.

[Jun]

There is a saying in straight circles: you don't marry the girl, you marry her family.

I've also recently heard of the "3 day rule". Don't see the same girl more than 3 times.
I suppose that avoids the risk of getting too attached.

There might be a case for applying this to boys, but my interpretation is not to see the same boy 3 times in succession. The last time I saw the same boy more than 2 days running was in 2011.
My record for the number of meetings with one boy is just under 30, although this was spread over several years.

Later I learnt that A had gambling debts with B, now settled with my money.

Some requests for money are more deserving than others.
Helping a boy to settle gambling debts is my idea of a very undeserving case.
An example of a more deserving case would be medical treatment. Ultimately, even paying for that is his responsibility, not mine, but there's a slightly better chance of me opening the wallet.

A Lao boy has just asked me for money, because of "the war" & he needs to go & get his passport stamped.
I'm not even going to respond to that.
OK, he probably needs to travel a bit further as the Cambodian border is closed, but with fewer Cambodian boys competing for trade, he ought to be earning more. Also, it's not my problem.

[Gaybutton]

Also, it's not my problem.

That is also the way I feel, especially when I get my monthly pleas for "I not have money for room", "I not have money for eat", etc. Their problems may be legitimate, but I didn't cause their problems and I don't permit their problems to become my problems.

For me, sometimes I will make an exception if it is a boy I know very well and feel assured he is telling me the truth.

Meanwhile, in all my years living in Thailand, I have never seen a boy actually lose his room or starve to death.

[Rocket]

I just sent money to a Cambodian bar boy. When he first asked I told him I never send money to boys when I’m not there.

But after some more asking, he told me I can deduct what I send him when we hookup in the future. I decided this was a good idea. As we were texting he sent me some very sexy photos and videos. Further influencing my decision,haha.

Now I can’t get him out of my mind. He is an excellent provider. Also I’m rather fat with money right now so this will save me money when I’m there. I do this with a bar also, so no paying when I’m there. Win,win.