One of the things most of us have no shortage of during our retirement years is “Time”. I thought about this a lot prior to my retirement, considering how I would fill all this free time after spending 45 years being totally submersed in a demanding career. I’ve read all the text book suggestions, i.e. stick to a routine, keep mentally engaged, seek social interactions, exercise, eat right, etc., although, the text books seemed to be glossing over something else that I believe impacts “happiness” as much, if not more, which has to do with a person’s “mental mind set”.
Yesterday afternoon I was lounging next to the pool with one of my neighbors from Australia. He went on to consume an hour talking about the problems he had with the various bar girls he gets tangled up with, and without missing a beat, jumped to talking about his concerns about the changing environment in Thailand, and how these changes could potentially affect his lifestyle. Instead of having a relaxing hour at the pool just letting my mind wander as I frequently do, I was forced to listen to negative thoughts about another person’s past, and then his future.
This interaction rekindled things I’ve stumbled across both in Science and Buddhism: Science suggests that taking the time to savor the moment can increase happiness. Numerous studies have shown that when people tried to be present in the moment they felt positive benefits. One of the core beliefs of Buddhism is the idea of right mindfulness, when we stay in the present moment and really pay attention to what we are doing rather than dwelling on past events or worrying about future ones. Another principle taught both in Science and Buddhism is the fact that “peace of mind” is achieved by detaching oneself from the cycle of craving, which also goes hand-in-hand with my friend from Australia’s “state of unhappiness”.
This presents an interesting challenge, because if you are socializing with friends, which is one of the recommended practices to stay happy after retirement, how can the conversation possibly be focused on the “present”. Everything there is to talk about either has to do with the past or the future. A discussion about the present would just result in a group of people just sitting around humming. Oh well, the best solution I can come up with is to just make sure that I’m socializing with people who have positive attitudes and balanced mental mind sets. Laughing about the past and/or future, and not taking things so seriously, seems to work best.
As far as the part about detaching oneself from the “cycle of craving”, especially for those of us who retired in Thailand primarily due to our sexual cravings, is a challenge where I guess the solutions are unique to each person. I crave Dairy Queen Ice Cream with Hershey’s Chocolate Topping with a passion, but can limit myself to one per week. I crave sex, but want it every day with no limitations whatsoever. I’m not sure if this is what the scientist’s and Buddhist’s are talking about or not, but I’m fairly certain that I’ll stay attached to this craving as long as I can and consider myself lucky that I’m happy with my life, just the way it is.
Happiness in Retirement - Perspectives
- Gaybutton
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Re: Happiness in Retirement - Perspectives
Really? As far as I can tell, the older you get, the less you've got - at least the less you've got left . . .
Re: Happiness in Retirement - Perspectives
I enjoy all of Dodger's posts, but I find this one rather curious. Thinking back to the many times I have met up with friends for dinner and drinks or even just a coffee, the present is very much part of our conversations. Naturally we discuss the past because I have known several friends for 25 years and more. And isn't it often fun just to get out those-rosy tinted spectacles and fondly reminisce? As for the future, maybe there is something wrong with us, but we don't spend too much on that, unless we have some overseas trips coming up or some other special reason.Dodger wrote: ↑Sat Aug 31, 2019 4:29 pm This presents an interesting challenge, because if you are socializing with friends, which is one of the recommended practices to stay happy after retirement, how can the conversation possibly be focused on the “present”. Everything there is to talk about either has to do with the past or the future.
Referring to the hour he wasted at the pool, I feel genuinely sorry. I have been in that situation. It may madden me but only if I let it. Perhaps because I have had to spend much of my career listening to others, I can switch off 90% of my attention whilst appearing to be an active participant in a conversation.
Ever since I was advised to read Jane Roberts book The Nature of Personal Reality many decades ago, I have accepted that we create our own reality. Mine is to enjoy life and not let those individuals and events that may temporarily piss me off interrupt that journey. Hopefully it will continue that way whatever the future may bring.
Re: Happiness in Retirement - Perspectives
Don't feel bad, I just re-read that statement and I'm curious as well...fountainhall wrote: ↑Sat Aug 31, 2019 5:51 pmI enjoy all of Dodger's posts, but I find this one rather curious.Dodger wrote: ↑Sat Aug 31, 2019 4:29 pm This presents an interesting challenge, because if you are socializing with friends, which is one of the recommended practices to stay happy after retirement, how can the conversation possibly be focused on the “present”. Everything there is to talk about either has to do with the past or the future.
- Undaunted
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Re: Happiness in Retirement - Perspectives
Happiness in retirement for me:
1) Have realistic expectations.
2) A good social life should be judged not by how many but by the quality of those you socialize with.
3) Have a good sex life and at the same time keep thinking with the big head not he smaller one.
4) Take enjoyment from the little things.
5) Good health without which makes all else insignificant.
1) Have realistic expectations.
2) A good social life should be judged not by how many but by the quality of those you socialize with.
3) Have a good sex life and at the same time keep thinking with the big head not he smaller one.
4) Take enjoyment from the little things.
5) Good health without which makes all else insignificant.
"In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king"
Re: Happiness in Retirement - Perspectives
Based on this post, I am really happy for you, Dodger. Looks like you have a lot of free time on your hands...
Re: Happiness in Retirement - Perspectives
Dodger,Dodger wrote: ↑Sat Aug 31, 2019 4:29 pm
He went on to consume an hour talking about the problems he had with the various bar girls he gets tangled up with, . . . . Instead of having a relaxing hour at the pool just letting my mind wander as I frequently do, I was forced to listen to negative thoughts about another person’s past, and then his future.
I enjoy your interesting posts and appreciate your astute advice.
But I found comments in this post a little strange.
No one can force you "to listen to negative thoughts." If you do not enjoy a conversation and consider it a waste of time, just leave! There are many polite ways excuse yourself--and there are also many relatively polite ways to shut people up.
For example, you could have said: "Please excuse me! I must go make a phone call."
Or you could have said: "I need some exercise!" And then jump into the pool....
Re: Happiness in Retirement - Perspectives
Your point is well-taken.
I think the mistake I made in the wording of this posting was that I really wanted to emphasize the fact that some farang seem to be too entrenched in past and future events, and, as a result, miss out on the opportunity to enjoy the moment. In all honesty, my reaction when confronted with these situations is exactly how you and fountainhall have described.
The examples you provided were spot on.