A little levity - Idiot sightings

[lvdkeyes]

IDIOT SIGHTING #1

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car,
we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department
and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and
discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'

His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS


IDIOT SIGHTING #2

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that
one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the
opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at
that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

We haven't used Sears repair since.


IDIOT SIGHTING #3

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave
the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.'

She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said, 'We're sorry but we could
not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

[Gaybutton]

I love those kinds of true nitwit stories. Here's a few more:

Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.


Idiot # 2 - A true story out of San Francisco:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.


Idiot # 3
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.


Idiot # 4
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him.

At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.


Idiot # 5 Ann Arbor:
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.


Idiot # 6 Seattle

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor-home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for:

Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor-home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.


Idiot #7

This one actually happened to me! Back in my college days it was difficult to find anywhere that would cash out of state checks when the college's check cashing service was closed. Not far from where I lived there was a liquor store that would cash out of state checks for a 15% fee. I had used them several times, but on this occasion when I went in to cash a $50 check the clerk told me they no longer accept out of state checks. He told me that as he handed my check back to me - along with the $50 I wanted. I thanked him for the $50 and explained if he's giving me the money, then he needs to accept the check to cover it. He repeated he can't accept out of state checks anymore. Fine with me, and off I went. He didn't even withhold the 15%. For some strange reason, I never again saw him working in that store . . .


Idiot #8

Me! I started a message board . . .

[lvdkeyes]

Back in the late 60's when CPR was a relatively new thing, the hospital where I worked required all employees to attend the CPR class. At the end of the class the instructor asked if there were any questions. One woman raised her hand and asked if her heart stopped could she perform CPR on herself.

[lvdkeyes]

More sightings.

IDIOT SIGHTING

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....

IDIOT SIGHTING

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing
anymore.'

From Kingman, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had ice burg lettuce.

From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'

Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING

How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.

Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha". When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

[Gaybutton]

More sightings.

I can't remember exactly how the story went, but didn't you have a story about dealing with a postal worker who refused to believe Oregon was not a foreign country? That one sounds like something Dan Quayle could have come up with. Quayle did come up with something similar: "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

Here's a true story, unbelievable but true, told to me by a teacher friend of mine, and she's got plenty of them: One day she received a telephone call from an irate parent who accused her of calling her son names in class. She insisted the teacher had called her son a moron. My friend responded by saying she does not call her students names and she certainly did not call her son a moron. The mother said, "Well, my son says you did call him a moron and I believe him. I'm telling you my son is no moron. In this house, we're Catholic."

[lvdkeyes]

Yes, my mother was mailing a Christmas package from Chicago to my sister in Astoria, Oregon and the postal worker asked what country this was going to.

[Gaybutton]

Anyone want to volunteer a story about dumb things you've done yourself during your life? I'll start: My senior year in college was my brother's freshman year and he joined the same fraternity I was in. The fraternity always had an annual end-of-the-year dinner at the same restaurant. They knew to put us in their basement. The walls were made entirely of cinder block. That year the dinner was steaks for two. It was a large steak, cut in half, and each half was served to you and your dinner partner. My brother was my dinner partner. The kitchen screwed up when they cut our steak. My piece was enormous and his piece was good for maybe two or three bites.

He said, "Hey! That's not right. Let me have some of that." Being the gracious individual I always am, I told him tough luck and wouldn't give him any. He said, "Look at that. The wall's on fire!" Like a complete idiot I turned to look. When I turned back and asked, "Where?" I saw a big grin on his face and the plates switched. Duhhhhh!

Months later, we were having dinner with our parents at a Chinese restaurant. He and I had ordered egg rolls as an appetizer. They served mine, but he never did get his. I had two of them. He asked for one and I promptly told him no. Meanwhile, we were right in the middle of telling our parents the steak story above and my brother said, "That woman looks just like Mom, doesn't she?" And again, like a complete idiot, I turned to look. When I turned back again to ask which woman he was talking about, I again saw his grinning face, both egg rolls gone, and my father laughing harder than I can recall ever seeing in his life. Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[RichLB]

I figured I better confess this one before JomtienBob exposes me. I recently bought an Archos Tablet from Amazon. When it arrived I could not get the damn thing to charge. I was on the verge of sending it back when JomtienBob suggested I plug the charger into the charging jack and not the ear phone jack. Talk about Duh, I'd been fiddling with it for two days.

[Captain Kirk]

Three car related, two of them are me.

1. Driving my taxi, I'm taking a customer along a fast road route to her destination. I'm rattling along at about 80mph and she suddenly notices the meter ticking along quite the thing.
Her: Hey that's ticking up a bit quick is it not?
Me: That's because I'm driving fast.
Her: Well slow down then, I don't want to pay all that.
I tried manfully to explain we could go half the speed and the meter would be half as quick but we'd take twice as long to get her home. She just never got it.

Ok my turn.

2. My car, a green Renault 21 started spewing out heavy smoke from the exhaust. I phone my local garage and tell him all about the problem.
Mechanic: What colour is it?
Me: GREEN
Mechanic: No, - the smoke, what colour is the smoke?

3. Back to the garage. Turning at junctions and particularly going round roundabouts I was hearing a rattling noise from the rear of the car. It just wouldn't go away and I couldn't figure it out so I take it to the garage and we go a little test run to let him hear the problem. Sure enough rattle rattle. He tells me to stop the car, we go to the rear and he opens the boot. He lifts up the spare tyre and there in the wheel well is a round plastic ball. It was a foot that had broken off a laundry basket I had taken from there the previous week. He hands me the ball, "There you go, that's it fixed. Drive back to the garage and I'll make up your bill." Charged me £25 on top of my embarrassment.

[lvdkeyes]

We were driving on the highway, suddenly we heard beep beep beep beep. We went to the mechanic who couldn't find anything wrong. After dealing with this for a couple of weeks we came to realize it was the GPS telling us we were driving too fast.